My new least favorite question these days is, “How are you feeling?” It ranks up there with such all-time greats as, “did you get a haircut?” when I get a haircut, and, “what are you eating?” while eating lunch. I try to answer politely and positively, but here’s the deal, people – I am 8 months pregnant – how do you THINK I feel???
Here is how I feel: I have basically felt like I have had the flu (the real flu, not the stomach flu) since probably the beginning of August. Try being sick for 8 months and having to go to work every single (work) day because you can’t spare a single vacation day or sick day because you already don’t have enough to cover your maternity leave in the first place. (Going to work on top of maintaining a house and marriage, caring for pets, social obligations, work obligations, etc., etc., that is.)
Admittedly, given all the things I have read, I have been VERY lucky with this pregnancy in that I have managed to avoid all the typical grossities (vomiting, stretch marks, hemorrhoids, varicose veins, etc., etc.) that are pretty standard with this affliction. But I still feel like shit. Every day. It doesn’t get better, it just gets – well, not so much worse as much as harder.
I ache. Last night I cooked dinner and while I was making dinner I was trying to get some chores done around the house. I was on my feet for about 1.5 hours. By the time I sat down to dinner, my back was so sore from the minimal effort I had just exerted that I thought I was going to throw up from the pain. That is on top of the pain my body is already feeling with being worn out, overweight, and dealing with being kicked repeatedly in the stomach and Braxton Hicks contractions which are now adding menstrual cramp-like pain to the tightening, just for fun. Yay!
I am a big fat horse. Seriously – my horse looks at me and thinks, “Thank GOD she can’t ride anymore!” I can literally feel myself getting bigger. And while I have more or less come to terms with the weight gain and the fact that it will hopefully all be temporary and worthwhile, there is still something jarring about the realization that the stretching feeling in your abdomen is you physically growing larger. And part and parcel with getting larger is the beauty of maternity clothes. Really, who was the genius who decided maternity clothes should be form fitting? I am a big fat horse, clothing makers – why are my only options skinny jeans and leggings and thigh-hugging pants, and tight shirts whose dimensions are never quite right??? Can’t I have a nice pair of baggy jeans here and there so I can sit down without worrying that the fabric is going to cause deep vein thrombosis because it is cutting off circulation to my ever expanding thighs??? Because, you know, I wasn’t already uncomfortable on my own here. Now I get to squeeze into tight pants that add pain and discomfort to my pain and discomfort. Thanks.
And then there are the physical ailments and difficulties. Heartburn has been a regular in my life the past 2 months. It is so awesome – I go from feeling just fine to ohmygodiamgoingtofaintifidonteatNOW! So I have to eat immediately, and then I get really bad heartburn, regardless of if it is a heaping bowl of extra spicy chili or if it is a rice cake. You have taken the joy out of eating, pregnancy.
I miss my love affair with food. I also miss sleeping. Everyone says you don’t sleep once baby arrives. What they don’t tell you is that you don’t sleep while pregnant, either. From 2 am potty breaks, to kicking snorers out of your bed, to trying to roll over while sporting a mountain on your stomach and trying to take the asinine body pillow with you, a full 8 hours is a distant memory. I hate my body pillow. I don’t get it. It doesn’t seem to help much, yet I still sleep with it every night. Am I missing something here?
Other joys of pregnancy I have been experiencing:
- Swollen hands and feet – These aren’t too bad, really, but I did have to take off my wedding rings. It has been pretty funny to go out to dinner or to pediatrician information sessions with my husband, who is still sporting his ring, and feel like I must look like a knocked-up mistress. Especially since we are on the older side of our 30s and are clearly old enough to know better.
- A wonderful inability to breathe – I have to stop and catch my breath in the middle of sentences! Oddly, I am able to do 30 minutes of brisk walking on the treadmill several times a week just fine, but walk to the bathroom from the living room? Forget it.
- Inability to do everyday tasks – I can no longer do such things as get up off the couch on my own strength. My ability to use my core muscles disappeared around month 4, and it has been downhill since then. I can still put on my own shoes (with a lot of effort) and shave my legs, but I am pretty sure I will not be able to much longer. I can’t get in and out of my husband’s car anymore, and barely fit in my own driver seat. Granted, we drive very little cars, but I fully intend to be thin again, so I am viewing this as a temporary affliction. Hilariously, I can no longer put my Tupperware on my lap while driving as there is not enough room between the wheel and my belly to fit it. Yes, I eat in the car. I eat everywhere. (*see: big fat horse)
- Everything hurts – sitting down hurts. Laying down hurts. Standing hurts.
- Ignorance is bliss – The pregnancy brain hasn’t been too bad but it is still there.
- I am sure there are a lot of other things, but, well, see previous item.
So that is how I feel: fat, tired, sore, stupid, etc., etc. At least (my husband and) I can be glad that my hormones have pretty much remained in check and meltdowns and outbursts have remained at a pretty low level. And I can be glad that I have so many wonderful friends out there who genuinely are concerned about how I feel. And for that, I will keep my meowing to Hate Plate, and continue to answer them as politely and positively as I can.
