Just You Wait!

It gets worse! LOL!1!!1!

Ugh. I am so freaking sick of people asking me how I am feeling. It seems there are two types of people – usually women – who ask me how I am feeling: those that have had children and those that haven’t. Since I have adopted an, “I’ll tell you *exactly* how I feel” attitude when people ask, I find that the people who haven’t had children like to offer up solutions to my feeling like shit. Things like, “have you tried getting a massage?” or, “try going for a walk!” I know, I know – it is just out of concern for my well-being, and I should be ever so grateful that I have friends that care enough to ask, but seriously – the only thing that is going to make me feel better is to have this baby.

Women who have had children usually refrain from asking me how I feel – they already know, they don’t need to ask. But those that do ask always laugh when I tell them, and then offer up such charmers as, “you think it is bad now? LOL!” Yes. I find that hilarious too. Oh, no, wait a minute – I DON’T F’ING FIND IT HILARIOUS AT ALL.

While I may not have given birth yet or experienced the joys of having a newborn, I do not live under a rock. I understand there is a whole lot of pain and suffering that will go along with the next stages. So what is the point of taunting me? I really have lost all tolerance for that. I will feel like shit then, but I feel like shit now, too. No amount of knowing it gets worse makes how I feel now any better.

I haven’t slept through the night in months. My insomnia is so persistent that my mind no longer races in the middle of the night, having had so much time already to work through everything that would make it otherwise race. Some nights are more tolerable than others. But some, such as last night, are a complete and utter nightmare. At one point, I gave up and moved to the couch and sobbed uncontrollably for a long time out of complete and utter despair. I did finally end up falling back to sleep, but it was 30 minutes before my alarm went off. I feel like death warmed over.

It is a miserable existence to go through the day feeling the worst you have ever felt, and not finding any relief once bedtime arrives. Your bed should be your sanctuary, your one place to go to feel better when everything else has failed. These days, I look at it with dread. I know that going to bed means more of the same, if not worse, awfulness.

I know I won’t be sleeping through the night when baby arrives, as everyone so gleefully reminds me, but I feel like these months of insomnia have my body pretty well conditioned to handle 3 am feedings and whatnot. I mean, not sleeping is not sleeping, regardless if there is a small person screaming next to me or not, right? And besides, misery loves company. I think those sleepless nights will be much better than they are now, since I will have someone to spend the time with who is just as miserable as I am.

The Goldfish Bowl

I was on a website today that posts news stories related to a variety of environmental issues, and there was an image accompanying a website poll of a goldfish jumping from a small goldfish bowl into what looked to be a larger, more beautiful goldfish bowl. Of course, if you look closer at the larger bowl, you will see it is actually a tropical reef scene (i.e., salt water – which would kill a fresh water fish such as a goldfish). I know that no animals were harmed in the Photoshopping of this image, but yikes, does this environmental news source hate goldfish?

I love fish, and have had my own tanks for at least the past 25 years. I have had a variety of fresh and saltwater fish over the years, and of all the fish I have owned, goldfish are among my favorite. I currently have 4 ornamental goldfish in a 55 gallon aquarium. It pains me to see goldfish bowls for sale at pet stores. It pains me to hear about people who keep these lovely fish in bowls.

A goldfish should NEVER be kept in a goldfish bowl - they require at least 2 gallons of water per inch of fish at their size when full grown. So, if you buy a 1 inch goldfish that will grow to reach 10 inches in length, put that 1 inch goldfish in a tank that is at least 20 gallons. Most goldfish bowls are about a gallon, maybe 2 or 3 for a really large bowl. This is not a sufficient enough size for any goldfish.

People have told me, “yes, but they will grow to the size of their tank,” when trying to make a case for a bowl. Sure, if you keep them in a bowl, they will stay small. In other words, you are stunting their growth and limiting their lifespan. Under proper conditions, a goldfish can live up to 35 or 40 years old. If confining an animal to an environment that is too small for it to survive was an acceptable practice, veal calves would be a more popular pet.

If you want to ethically stunt some growth, then get a bonsai tree. If you want a bowl with a fish in it, get a Siamese fighting fish (who can survive in a puddle of water in their native environs), and leave the goldfish to someone who can properly care for it. Thanks.