Yes and No: Part 1

The holiday season is in full swing! Of course I will not make it through unscathed, and by unscathed I mean, “without getting gifts.” I will also not make it through without receiving cards addressed to an incorrect name. I did not change my name when I got married, and it really bothers me that people still insist on addressing me by my first name and my husband’s last name. Especially, when said addressees should know better.

This bothers me because your name is the only thing in this world you will own forever. Material possessions come and go, but your name is yours. It is how you identify with yourself, and how you mark yourself in the world. I like my last name, and I am proud of my heritage, and I find it disrespectful when people make the assumption that I am not who I say I am, or don’t bother to learn what my real name is. Especially people I am friends with on social media, where my name is clearly spelled out! Especially when these people have only ever known me by my own name. By calling me by my husband’s name, you are asserting your own value system on how you feel I should be labeled, and I find that offensive. I made a conscious decision not to change my name, and you are intentionally or unintentionally devaluing my choice.

I fear that people don’t know me as well as maybe they should, so here is a quick reference guide just in case.

Yes, I am happily married. No, I did not change my last name. I love my husband dearly, regardless of what I call myself.

No, I don’t like vegetables. Yes, I eat more vegetables in any given day than most Americans. Veg are gross. The consistency of most cooked vegetables makes me gag. Try as I may, this is not a reaction I have much control over. However, there are several raw veg that I do eat, and others I “hide” in my food so I “don’t know they are in there.” I love fruit. There are maybe 4 or 5 I don’t like, and I can't even name them all off the top of my head. I generally get my daily requirement, and then some, of fruits and veg every day. How many others can say that?

Yes, I am having a baby. No, I don’t need a bigger car. I drive a station wagon, folks. Granted, it is a very small station wagon, but families of 5 seem to get around mainland Europe just fine in the same model car, so I think the three of us will be ok. I did the research, and it turns out, babies are just really small people. If I can fit 4 regular sized people in my car, than a smaller version person should fit just fine. “But, you will need to haul lots of stuff!” No. I won’t. And if I ever do, I will get a roof rack and a cargo thing for the roof.

No, I don’t want chicken-themed gifts. Yes, there are some chicken-themed items I like. Please leave it up to me to make that distinction myself. Thanks.

I will be back later with more installments of Get To Know Sandy in future posts. Until then, have a happy and safe holiday season!

Mixing it up: Things I Love, Part 1

I will be the first to admit that I hate more things than most people. But I also love a lot of stuff, too.

One thing I love more than anything is, with few exceptions, animals. I just get a really big kick out of them. Once, my husband got mad at me (pretend mad, not real mad) when I picked a dime-sized turtle up in my vegetable garden and without hesitation said, “Hi! I love you!” (My husband's argument: how do I know I love the turtle when I just met it? My argument: I just do.) When I see squirrels, I want to run over and poke their little white bellies, and I would expect they would respond with a “hee, hee!” a la the Pillsbury Dough Boy. I have no idear where this urge came from. I have been known to break for butterflies. I think pigeons are neat. I secretly want to squeeze them – I get it, Lenny. I get it!

One of my most favoritest animals is my bestest, bestest friend, Edmund. Ed is a 9 year old Himalayan cupcake and I absolutely adore him. When I came home from work the other day, he came running to see me (that never gets old!). He wanted something, so naturally, I followed. Since I have no idear what “meow” means, and the cats are pretty adamant on not learning English, a large portion of my day is taken up playing charades with the cats (and perhaps an even larger portion of my time at home is spent letting the cats out and letting the cats in, and then repeating that over and over). Well, Eddie was pretty psyched to show me the *gasp* NEW BOX that was on the living room floor. He “hid” behind the box and jumped out at me to scare me, twice! TOO.CUTE. To quote a dear friend, “I don’t understand how people cannot like cats.”

I also really dig horses. I have wanted a horse since as long as I can remember. Last February, I had the distinct honor of accomplishing my lifelong dream when I got my first horse, Margaux. Obviously I love her tons and tons, and I hug and kiss her a lot. But what is hilarious is that after 20+ years of curbing my desire for a horse, it is like the flood gates have sprung open. I am like one step away from hanging horse posters in my bedroom. (I kid, I kid. Please don’t buy me horse stuff – that novelty wore of decades ago.) I still stare when I drive past horses. When friends ride Margaux, I find myself getting jealous of them, even though I could ride Margs any time I wanted. Sadly, my riding days are on hold now until May, as I am too large/uncomfortable to ride any longer. How I will handle not riding for the next 5-6 months, I have no idear.

My best friend is a cat, and I love horses with a passion to rival an 8 year old girl's. I am ok with that.

Thanks for letting me gush. You will be pleased to know I am getting this out of my system early in my blog before I have any followers so as to not bother you all with my blathering. You’re welcome.

Don’t Buy For Me, Argentina!

I love the holiday season, but each year I get stressed out about gift giving and getting. I have a very small list of people to buy for, luckily, but no one needs any more “stuff,” so it is hard to come up with thoughtful, clutterless gifts each year (though this year, I am pretty sure I nailed it!!!).

I also do not need any more “stuff.” In fact, owning things stresses me out. I do not like clutter. I hate dusting. I do not like getting gifts for the sake of getting gifts. I have everything I materialistically want or need (with the exception of a new Audi S5), and generally the things I do find I want or need, I can buy for myself. In fact, I am on a quest to rid my house of all the useless crap we have kicking around. There is a certain sense of urgency with this venture lately – with baby arriving in April, we will be filling the house back up with more stuff. (At least this stuff will serve purposes!)

Each holiday season, I campaign for no gifts, usually to no avail. I appreciate that people are thinking of me, but I get the impression sometimes that they are thinking more about themselves. If I ask you not to get me anything, and then you get me something, aren’t you disrespecting my wishes? That doesn’t sound like thinking of me. People have said to me, “I am getting you (insert item here)!” When I tell them that I do not want/like/need (said item), they say, “well I am getting it for you anyway!” That just makes me feel terrible. They know I don’t want it, and now I am stuck with it.

I have been told that I should just grin and bear it, accept the gift graciously, which I do, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t still bother me. I can’t separate the idea of the object from the thought of it sitting in a landfill for the next 1,000 years. My home is filled with junk that I feel obligated to keep because it was a gift. Things I will never, ever use yet can’t get rid of for fear of being asked about the item years later. More clutter, more stress. These gifts are burdens.

Yes, there are gifts I do like to receive, but it is considered rude to ask for specific items. I have very specific tastes, which makes it hard for people to buy for me. I have been called picky, which I think is kind of mean – I am not picky, my preferences just differ from yours. Everyone is different. Individual tastes are what make our differences great! Just because I would rather you said, “I thought of you while eating a banana and saved you my peel since I know you love to compost,” than, “here is some random crap I bought at the mall because I felt obligated to by society,” does not make me a bad person.

I know how awful it feels to show up somewhere empty handed. I wouldn’t go to a friend’s house for dinner without bringing a bottle of wine or something. I still buy gifts for people, because my feelings are exactly that – mine. (I would never give someone a banana peel because *I* love to compost. Also, that banana peel is already in my compost – you can’t have it.) I can respect that some people enjoy getting gifts. But I also feel awful when people hand me gifts. If you really insist on “thinking of me” in a way that involves spending money, I am more than happy to provide you with a list of charitable organizations whose work I respect and support.

So please, don’t buy me anything! (Unless, of course, it is that new Audi S5…) Thanks!!

A Letter to the Editor

I like to get incensed and write letters. Sometimes I send them, sometimes I do not. As a nonprofit worker and an overly altruistic individual, I get particularly irate about articles I read in newspapers that can be detrimental to the work of nonprofits. Recently, a Raleigh news website posted an article about how monies from the Humane Society of the US and the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals wasn't coming to North Carolina in the amounts that it should. Huh??

I feel that it is irresponsible for news sources to be posting articles that paint otherwise decent organizations in a potentially nasty light. I feel that it should be up to the donor to decide where and how their donations are used. Most people are unaware of their rights as a donor, and that can cause a lot of problems for those organizations whose work is so important. People read articles like these and get angry and instead of taking the time to educate themselves or even check the article for accuracy, they make snap decisions about the organizations in question, like, "well, I am never going to donate to them again!"

So, I wrote a letter. I sent it. I did not receive a response.

Here it is:

Thank you for your article on donating to the Humane Society of the United States and the American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals. I feel the real message of the article should be the need for donor education during what is the busiest fundraising season of the entire year. Articles like these can have a harmful effect on nonprofit organizations if misinterpreted. Especially for animal welfare organizations that serve a population of animals who are in the situations they are in because at some point along the way humans failed them. The last thing these helpless creatures need is more failure on our part.

Framing a facet of an organization in a negative way can have a detrimental impact on an organization’s well-intentioned fundraising efforts. While it may be true that only a fraction of funds raised go toward animal rescue efforts in NC, it is the intent of these national organizations to have a broader reach than just one state, and just one aspect of animal welfare (shelters).

What we need instead is information on becoming an informed donator. A generous spirit should never be discouraged! Rather, one should be encouraged to take the time to make the proper decision on where one’s donations should go. The first thing to do is to decide what causes you are passionate about. Do you want to give more to your community? Perhaps you are moved by the idea of feeding the hungry, or maybe there is a disease you would like to support more research on, or a relief effort you want to be a part of. From there, you can find an organization or organizations whose work supports these causes. At that point, many donors mail a check and are done with it. But then they read articles like these and are incensed that their money may be going to such things as paying salaries.

Operating costs, including salaries, typically take up the majority of the funding received by most nonprofits. Rent, electricity, office supplies all cost money. Staff are needed to run the programs. Programs themselves cost money to operate. Marketing and fundraising efforts that are needed to build support and awareness cost money. Etc., etc. These are necessary costs for running an organization and for doing the work you support. When you donate to an organization and you do not specify where your money will be spent, there is a strong likelihood that it may go toward operating costs. This is not a bad thing in an organization that is a good steward of its funds.

However, as a donor, you have the right to specify how your money is spent. The article ends by saying, “Fundraising reports filed with the Secretary of State's office show paid solicitors that handle campaigns for the ASPCA keep as much as 87 percent of the funds raised.” There are ways to donate to the ASPCA, and other organizations, where 100 percent of your donation goes towards your intended purpose. Do your research. If you want to only purchase canned vegetables for a food bank, you can say, “This money can only be used to purchase canned vegetables,” with your donation, and 100 percent of your donation will go to that purpose.

If you are still not convinced, then go ahead and purchase the canned vegetables you want to donate, and drop them off yourself. There are many, many ways to support a nonprofit than just writing a check. There could be items around your house (old clothing, sheets and towels, furniture, etc.) that could be donated to a deserving cause. Many organizations’ websites list in-kind items they need. You could volunteer your time. You can help promote awareness about the organizations you care about. You can encourage your friends, family, and coworkers to do any or all of these things. There are so many ways to help.

Nonprofits need your support, now more than ever. Locally AND nationally. At the end of the article, it starts to tell donors to be proactive, but you don’t really give them the tools to do so. Please encourage people to take the time and do their own research on how they may support causes that are important to them, rather than discouraging them from doing so for reasons that may or may not be valid.

Welcome!

I really am a pretty happy person, I swear. But I tend to get bent out of shape more easily than most. The Hate Plate is a place for me to vent my frustrations on a variety of things, but I promise to try to keep it as funny or at least as entertaining as I can.

Why "Hate Plate"? Many years ago, I was out for lunch with a friend and when our salads came, I started picking out all the things I hated from the salad (which was most items, as I hate vegetables) and placing them on my bread plate. I dubbed it the Hate Plate, a place to put all the veg I hated. So that is what this blog is: a place to put the things I hate so I can move on and enjoy life!