The Name Game

Once again, the naming question has come to the forefront. This is something that *really* bothers me, and something my husband feels I dwell upon a little too much. I respectfully disagree.

Over the weekend, we got a card from some friends addressed to our first names and his last name. This morning at the dentist, the dentist asked me how I pronounced my last name and before I could answer, offered up a pronunciation that wasn’t even the letters in the right order. (I get that a lot, actually.) And one of my very best friends is going through some difficulty with name changes and was asking me for my insight into the naming game. So, as you can see, I have been thinking about this topic all day.

I have already gone into my feelings on this a little bit here, but let me expand on those a little further.

My friend asked me what my baby’s last name will be, and I told her it will be my husband’s last name. I had used “it can have your last name,” as a bargaining chip when working to convince him we needed a baby, and so her having my name was never an option. Like me, he is very proud of his name and his heritage, so he is glad to be passing on his name. I am sure that this will cause many, many issues in the coming years (like at doctor’s visits and parent/teacher meetings), but more for me and my pride and strong sense of etiquette than anything else.

In thinking about baby’s name, though, I started to reflect upon how weird it is that we still live in such a paternal society, what with the strides women have made in equality and such. (I am no feminist, and don’t even get me started on feminists, but seriously. It isn’t 1950. If women have to get out of the house and get a career and make a name for ourselves, then we can use our own names, thanks.) Even though it is nontraditional of me to not change my name, I innately feel that my baby having my husband’s name is “the right thing to do.” It never occurred to me to say, “Hey! I am doing all the work here. She should have *my* last name!”

What is also funny is that my husband and I are already assuming that baby will grow up and marry someone and change her name, because that is what girls do, right? With that in mind, I guess what it boils down to is that my name choice is a choice I made for myself. I decided to keep my name because it was important to me. I do not judge others for how they handle changing or not changing their names, because again – it is a personal choice. And that is what really irks me – not the messing up my name, but rather the disregarding of the personal and conscious decision I made for myself. It is about respect and it is about etiquette.

One of these days I suppose I should get over my name issues, but that will probably never happen.